SCOTTY CROWE'S SWEET SIXTEEN MARATHON TRAINING TIPS*

As the Portland Marathon approaches, I thought I'd share a few pointers I've learned over the past year or so. Training for a marathon is a beast both physically and mentally, so I'd like to do everything I can to help. One tip each day as we count down to the big race:

#1 - Do it hard. Do it fast. Do it 'til you can't do it no more.

#2 - Post miles per day to twitter for motivation. Don't explain. Understand you're at-the-very-least-confusing and more-likely-weird/creepy.

#3 - Try to love endurance/energy gels. Nothing quite like a quick shot of thick goo in the mouth when you're hot, sweaty, and dehydrated.

#4 - Hit the sauna for 15 minutes after runs. I blame TUG for making me love near-death experiences in the aforementioned miserable room.

#5 - If you pass someone wearing a logo from a college, point at them and yell "GO _______!" where "_______" refers to their biggest rival.

#6 - Replace fries with broccoli. Replace scotch-rocks with beet juice. Replace milkshakes with pictures of milkshakes around your desk.

#7 - The shorter/tighter the shorts, the more serious the runner. If you're not trying on women's 3/4 length tights, you're not trying to win.

#8 - Car almost hits you at an intersection? Give them a piece of your mind or a quick punch to their trunk.

#9 - Listen to a lot of rap music. Angrier the better.

#10 - After a long run, wear the skinniest jeans possible so as to provide compression for your leg muscles.

#11 - Nananadadudont kill me can only make me stronger: run in 100+ degree heat, run at 6800ft elevation, sit in the sauna after sprints.

#12 - Wearing a mouth guard is good because you're forced to smile in order to breathe. And after about 18 miles, smiling always helps.

#13 - Consider a full back tattoo in uppercase gothic: YOU JUST GOT PASSED.

#14 - Run a lot so you can eat a lot. When else can you proudly "carbo-load" for weeks, guilt-free?

#15 - When this happens:



This happens:



#16 - Wear all black. Though it absorbs more heat, you'll feel like you have the power and speed of a stealth bomber.

*While all completely true and based on personal experience, I advise against following any of the above tips - doing so will surely lead to embarrassment, serious injury, and/or perhaps worse.

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(first posted at scottycrowe.com).

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