Let me open by saying that the possibility of an album by the conglomerate "T-Wayne" pretty much sounds like the greatest thing of all time. It's going to be a vocoder sandwich on vocoder bread with vocoder spread with a side of vocoders. Oh, and a bottle of vocoder - sparking, with limes please. Delicious for the soul.
Moving on, when I first saw the video - no, the screenshot of the video - for "Can't Believe It", I actually couldn't believe it. Seriously, it's unbelievable. T-Pain, Lil Wayne, rings of fire, and a small stuffed bear that seemed to represent both of our heroes molded into one, creating some sort of profound metaphor? Instantly roped. Teddy knows how to lure us right in.
So then I check the video out - visually stimulating, sure...but then, Theodore starts sharing his secrets of how he treats a lady while giving us all a refresher in geography. Let's take a listen:
She makes me feel so good/better than I would by myself/or if I was with somebody else I never think about leading off by comparing a date with time I spend by myself, but maybe that's a good little litmus test for us all to use.
I could put you in a log cabin/somewhere in Aspen Kind of sounds more like a threat out of The Bodyguard than a way to treat somebody, no? I guess it's some sort of exotic camping trip where it's really hard to breathe (don't forget to bring extra gloves - it IS the Rockies, you know).
Put you in a mansion/somewhere in Wiscansin Not only is this my favorite line from any song this DECADE, it's genius. Why spend thousands on penthouse suites or nice houses in major cities when you can have a sprawling estate in the suburbs of of Eau Claire, WI? You could probably have a second home in Oshkosh, Packers season tickets, and partial ownership of the Brewers for a fraction of one of those overrated houses in the hills.
You look so good/tell me why you wanna work here Hey - a date is an interview of sorts, right? Might as well get right down to it: "Why do you want to work here? What do you have to offer? What qualifies you to be here?" Fellas, drop that right before the entree arrives and you'll be golden.
I can put you in a condo/all the way up in Toronto I like his style - you see, as Pain gets more settled in with a relationship, he starts to offer things in areas of increasing population and cell phone reception. And guess what's close to Toronto? You know it: your two homes in Wiscansin, hey hey! Road trip to the Canadian Condo on bank holidays!
Put you in the fur coat/ride in the Murcielago Whoa whoa whoa - all of a sudden we're jumping to Lamborghinis? How about a reeeemix and we change the line to: "Put you in the jon boat/ride around in Key Largo" ? Much better on the wallet AND everybody can wear cutoffs and blend right in!
Put you in a beach house/right on the edge of Costa Rica Okay. If we're going to take liberties with names, let's go all the way and have that beach house on the edge of Costa Richouse. Ironically, the largest province in Costa Rica is a costal area named Puntarenas, which seems to rhyme with "beach house" just fine.
Well, thank you Mr. Pain. After all that talk of "hitting McDonalds" with Chris Brown, I had my doubts. But you have proven me wrong. Ican definitely say I learned a few things about myself, chivalry in 2008, and how to rock my next Geography Bee. Can't believe it.
...the 10K is TONIGHT. Talk about dumb and dumber...
"It doesn't make any sense. They told me 8:31:08 sharp... Wait a minute...it just occurred to me. They must've meant 8:31 at night. Of course! Why would they have a race with a concert finale at 8:31 in the morning? I thought she was a raging (racing) alcoholic!"
As I kicked myself in the head all the way back to West Hollywood, I ran into some inspiration (since I apparently wasn't running into anything else for another 13 hours) and present you with the one, the only A-sain Bolt:
So - a little change to the itinerary:
5:40 AM: Wake up, get pre-race geek routine on 7:00 AM: Test out the driving directions to the race site (a la MCAT preparation) 7:27 AM: Say hi to the event staff workers, one of whom looks exactly like Vince Young; convince them you know exactly what time the race starts, nevermind your orange dri-fit race shirt 7:55 AM: Return home, nap 10:45 AM: Wake up Part II, have imaginary training session with Usain 11:30 AM-6:00PM: Free time (in which I will mentally run a 10K) 8:31 PM: Nike+ Human Race - Los Angeles
Basically the same sort of day, just at a different pace. SWEET!
So I'm planning on running the Nike+ Human Race 10K on Sunday (sidenote for LAians -- it will take you longer to find parking at Niketown to pick up your race packet than it will take you to run the entire 6.4 miles). You've surely heard, but there are a handful of cities around the world with organized 10Ks which will all run simultaneously on Sunday, but ANYONE, anywhere with Nike+ gear can run on Sunday and be considered part of the race. Which got me thinking...
Why not run as many 10Ks as you can in one 24 hour period? This is the only race I can think of where you can put in 2, 3, 8, 22, whatever competitive times because you have an entire day to run as much as possible.
I'm thinking: 7 AM: Warm-Up 10k - run from my apartment to the start line in downtown LA 8:31:08 AM: The Los Angeles 10k - run the actual race, which ends at the Coliseum 10:30 AM: Pre-show 10K - Kanye is performing after the race, so I'll run stairs for a few hours at the Coliseum while we wait for the concert to start 1 PM: The 2 10W 10Ks - run along Interstate 10 to Santa Monica 3 PM: Grab a smoothie, ride a rollercoaster, play some ring toss by the beach 5 PM: Cruisin' in my 6.4 - take the trek back to West Hollywood 6-10 PM: Clean up, catch dinner and a movie 11 PM: Twilight 10k - hit the streets one last time before midnight
That's 7 10Ks...I'm sure I can figure out a way to man-up and fit a few more in there.
How I love GA-400...some cool posters for Y'ALL tonight, just don't get syrup on them when you hit Waffle House after the show...shoutout to Holcomb Bridge Road, Old Alabama, North Point Mall, and the 'Retta in general!
