WHERE IN THE WORLD IS T-PAIN SANDIEGO?

Let me open by saying that the possibility of an album by the conglomerate "T-Wayne" pretty much sounds like the greatest thing of all time. It's going to be a vocoder sandwich on vocoder bread with vocoder spread with a side of vocoders. Oh, and a bottle of vocoder - sparking, with limes please. Delicious for the soul.

Moving on, when I first saw the video - no, the screenshot of the video - for "Can't Believe It", I actually couldn't believe it. Seriously, it's unbelievable. T-Pain, Lil Wayne, rings of fire, and a small stuffed bear that seemed to represent both of our heroes molded into one, creating some sort of profound metaphor? Instantly roped. Teddy knows how to lure us right in.



So then I check the video out - visually stimulating, sure...but then, Theodore starts sharing his secrets of how he treats a lady while giving us all a refresher in geography. Let's take a listen:

She makes me feel so good/better than I would by myself/or if I was with somebody else
I never think about leading off by comparing a date with time I spend by myself, but maybe that's a good little litmus test for us all to use.

I could put you in a log cabin/somewhere in Aspen
Kind of sounds more like a threat out of The Bodyguard than a way to treat somebody, no? I guess it's some sort of exotic camping trip where it's really hard to breathe (don't forget to bring extra gloves - it IS the Rockies, you know).

Put you in a mansion/somewhere in Wiscansin
Not only is this my favorite line from any song this DECADE, it's genius. Why spend thousands on penthouse suites or nice houses in major cities when you can have a sprawling estate in the suburbs of of Eau Claire, WI? You could probably have a second home in Oshkosh, Packers season tickets, and partial ownership of the Brewers for a fraction of one of those overrated houses in the hills.

You look so good/tell me why you wanna work here
Hey - a date is an interview of sorts, right? Might as well get right down to it: "Why do you want to work here? What do you have to offer? What qualifies you to be here?" Fellas, drop that right before the entree arrives and you'll be golden.

I can put you in a condo/all the way up in Toronto
I like his style - you see, as Pain gets more settled in with a relationship, he starts to offer things in areas of increasing population and cell phone reception. And guess what's close to Toronto? You know it: your two homes in Wiscansin, hey hey! Road trip to the Canadian Condo on bank holidays!

Put you in the fur coat/ride in the Murcielago
Whoa whoa whoa - all of a sudden we're jumping to Lamborghinis? How about a reeeemix and we change the line to:
"Put you in the jon boat/ride around in Key Largo"
?
Much better on the wallet AND everybody can wear cutoffs and blend right in!

Put you in a beach house/right on the edge of Costa Rica
Okay. If we're going to take liberties with names, let's go all the way and have that beach house on the edge of Costa Richouse. Ironically, the largest province in Costa Rica is a costal area named Puntarenas, which seems to rhyme with "beach house" just fine.

Well, thank you Mr. Pain. After all that talk of "hitting McDonalds" with Chris Brown, I had my doubts. But you have proven me wrong. Ican definitely say I learned a few things about myself, chivalry in 2008, and how to rock my next Geography Bee. Can't believe it.

Feugo!