SHORT WEEK
RULE OF SUMMER #363: Watermelon. Is. Always. Delicious.
I like July 4th for a lot of reasons. I do, however, have one slight complaint: July 4th is the only holiday with a celebration completely beyond my control. "Gotta see fireworks, gotta see fireworks." No other holiday is predicated around an event that a stranger's in charge of (unless you're talking about Santa Claus at my house...weird tradition, but we like it) - if I'm not planted in a good spot to see fireworks, I kinda blew Independence Day. There's a very small margin for error (like 20 minutes? starting at an arbitrary time after sundown?). Mess that up and you've messed your entire long weekend up.
Some observations from that messed up long weekend and the beginning of this very fragile short week:
1) I'm really glad they don't sell beer in the outfield pavilion at Dodger Stadium. I don't know what was more intense - seeing Nomar get hit three times or fearing I'd be killed walking back to my car if I didn't participate in the wave. The last time I was this scared and elated at the same time was when I bought my first Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony tape. Anyway - Dodgers win, awesome experience...though I can't figure out why Derek Lowe's entrance music sounds like something from a 1998 rave.
2) I kicked off the competitive part of my life (and not a moment too soon) by running a road race with my boys Lee and Andy. Passing people feels good. Trying to walk the next day feels bad.
3) Canseco requests to be traded from San Diego to Long Beach, putting him about 100 miles closer to me. Either that Aquafina bottle really IS a magic lamp or Jose's a Road Journal fan.
4) People where I'm from use "barbeque" to describe a style of cooking, one that usually involves Barbeque Sauce. People here use it to describe anything involving a grill. It's used as a location, an event, and/or to refer to any foods that might be heated (or just be near some charcoal) at any point before consumption. So — I was at a barbeque, eating barbeque — it was July 4th, so someone decided to have a barbeque. No ribs, no chicken, no brisket, but a lot of other great barbequed food like hamburgers, salad, macaroni and cheese, and fruit.
5) France is in the World Cup Final. The one French person I know is going crazy. For him, I root for France. And since I root for France, I offer potential headlines we'll all see on the morning of July 10:
THE CHAMPS-ELYSEES!
ITALY GETS THE BOOT!
NOT VE(ry)NICE!
HOLY CREPE-MONSIEUR!
NAPOLEON'S DYNAMITE!
O HENRY!
WHO'S YOUR PERE??
BEND IT LIKE ARC DE TRIOMPHE!
ITALIAN STALLIN'
GAULS WITH GALL!
MORE THAN A MOUTHFUL: AN EIFFEL!
FORGET HISTORY: FRANCE IS VICTORIOUS!
I LOVE PARIS IN THE SUMMERTIME!
ALL CHAMP, NO PAGNE!
I'M ALFREDO IT'S TRUE: FRANCE WINS
VBFF! (VERY BEST FRENCH FOREVER)
NOTRE GAH DAME!
ITALY: "WE JUST HAD TOO MANY GUYS WHOSE NAMES ENDED IN VOWELS"
GNOCCHI TO THE CITY FROM THE MAYOR FOR THE ITALIANS
VERSAILLES OF RELIEF!
I'LL TAKE THE WORLD CUP...A LA CARTE!
SACRE LES BLEUS!
MENAGE A ONZE!
HOT SHOTS! PART DEUX ("Zinedine Zidane" kinda rhymes with "Charlie Sheen")
ITALY GETS THE FRENCH KISS! AND HAS PIZZA STUCK IN HER BRACES!
EU...GROSS!
And with that, I bid you adieu.
-Scotty
